• Members of the public inform The Daily Morning of the responsibility of parents to ready their children to face societal ills, dangers and threats from a realistic perspective than resorting to restrictions of freedom, and highlight the need to regulate abodes of nefarious repute   

After all, incidents such as the “Kalutara” incident boil down to parenting. However, that is not about parents curtailing the children’s freedom, but, instead, readying children to enjoy their freedom responsibly and prudently. This argument that readying teenagers to face the ills of the society by the time they start engaging with the society by themselves, could prevent many forms of dangers that may come their way, and the fact that parents have an extremely serious and massive role in ensuring that preparedness, is quite prevalent among those who discuss the recent incident where a 16-year-old girl in Kalutara died in questionable circumstances among individuals of questionable character. 

While not all dangers could be predicted and prevented, the public is of the opinion that a teenager with an adequate sense of awareness about how their safety could be compromised by others would at the very least be able to respond prudently to situations that may endanger their safety.  These are matters that require great attention, if Sri Lanka is to prevent such tragedies in the future, they told The Daily Morning.

Parenting

The importance of parents readying their teenage children to face or circumvent the many forms of dangers that exist in the society is at the centre of this discussion. According to some, that is the greatest lesson that parents could teach their children.

In this regard, 30-year-old entrepreneur and mother of two, Janani Maduni said: “We cannot, and we should not hide children from the society, because, sooner or later, they have to deal with the society and various types of people by themselves. So, children should be ready, and teenagers are special, because that is the age range in which they start dealing with society by themselves. When it comes to interpersonal relationships, while teaching our children how to be polite and respectful to others, to tolerate different opinions, and be helpful to others whenever possible, we should also teach them not to trust people blindly, to say no to any person or opportunity if they do not want to say yes, to consult an adult if they are unsure about what to do or the authorities if they are in danger, and most importantly, not to place themselves in situations that are completely beyond their control.”

She added that with various forms of other social changes, traditional methods of parenting should change, because the threats that exist in today’s society are different to those that existed several decades ago. Instead of merely thriving in society, children should know how to survive in society, according to Maduni.

Speaking of the Kalutara incident, Maduni said: “I think that this is not a matter of a person wanting to go out or to certain places with people of her choice. All teenagers like to enjoy the limited freedom that they have. However, their freedom being limited is an issue that in turn makes them want to enjoy that freedom to the fullest in every opportunity that they get. It is such circumstances that make teenagers ignore warning signs and think that they should take risks, if that allows them to enjoy their limited freedom.”

Meanwhile, 51-year-old father of three R.V. Sanjaya Samapth, also raised similar sentiments, adding that incidents such as the Kalutara one are a result of not exposing children adequately to what he referred to as the “real world with real threats which we have to live with”. He rejected the idea that giving more freedom to children endangers children. “Sri Lankan parents, including those of my generation, have this erroneous opinion that keeping children locked in homes is what protecting children means. We raise our children as young kids until they get married, and that is an extremely unjust and harmful thing to do to them in the long run. Parents think that children should not be exposed to society because it is filled with crimes and criminals. I think that it is these foolish notions that have eventually resulted in not only teenagers but also young adults not being able to identify scammers and blindly believing every person that is friendly. If we do not let them see the ills of the society, how are they going to protect themselves?,” he said, adding that teenagers should receive parents' support to start dealing with the society in a direct but careful manner and that that will lay the foundation for their future as a member of society. 

Sampath added that when dealing with society as teenagers, children should be equipped with not just advice, but some form of “friendly support” from their parents: “If children are in danger or are unsure as to what they are experiencing, they should be able to call their parents. That connection has to exist between teenage children and parents. This definitely has to be friendly. No child likes to call if they find themselves in trouble only to get scolded.”

Guesthouses

According to some, the Kalutara incident is also a wake-up call for the relevant authorities to take stern actions to regulate guest-houses that have spread in almost every city in the country. Many of them noted that these establishments should not be allowed to break the law for money.

Thirty-six-year-old private sector worker Tony Malan (name changed on request), opined: “The age of consent for sexual activities in Sri Lanka is 16, and therefore, if a 16-year-old wants to have sex with a person of their choice, I don’t think that we can object to it. However, the Kalutara incident involves a place, which is a guesthouse, which typically does not allow persons under the age of 18 to obtain rooming facilities, let alone the freedom to consume alcohol, for which the legal age is 21 years. Everyone is pointing fingers at the main suspect and his friends. Regardless of whether or how wrong they are in the Kalutara incident, I think that one party that we can all hold accountable unanimously is the guesthouse that did not properly check the deceased’s national identity card (NIC), perhaps because this incident would not have occurred had that establishment denied the deceased entry.” He added that regardless of the outcomes of the ongoing investigations into the Kalutara incident, stern actions should be taken against the administration of the guesthouse in question, and that it should be used as a starting point to regulate and monitor all guest-houses more strictly. “Guesthouses do not have too many rules, and I think that the only rule is that service seekers should be adults over the age of 18 years. If that simple and single rule is neglected for money, or if that rule could be evaded with a borrowed NIC, that is a sign of a serious issue.”

Similar opinions were expressed by a number of persons who supported the idea of introducing a strong monitoring and regulatory mechanism for guest-houses, noting also that the lack of scrutiny is a threat to the security of the public, because any person could do anything in a rented room with merely a NIC. Some of them suggested that the NIC of service seekers should be entered into a Government maintained database that verifies the validity of the NIC, while some said that the legal age to obtain a room from such an establishment should be increased to 21 years. However, expressing that these systems would not result in the expected results if there is no proper mechanism to monitor the administration of these regulations by guesthouses’ administrations, they said that the Police should take over that responsibility.

In this regard, 41-year-old auto mechanic Ajantha Nirupa, said: “The fact that legal actions are being taken against the relevant members of the management of the said Kalutara guest-house is admirable. However, that should be a lesson to countless other guest-houses around the country that allow any minor to enter, with the sole purpose of making money. The Kalutara incident attracted attention because a tragic incident occurred. But, we do not know what illegal things happen in these places without every incident being reported. The people should demand that the Government introduces a proper regulatory mechanism for these establishments.” He further said that such scrutiny would help protect minors from engaging in illegal or harmful activities in guest-houses, and also to improve standards of services and facilities provided by such establishments.