• Child/Adolescent Psychiatrist Dr. Darshani Hettiarachchi calls for educating victims, perpetrators, and victims cum perpetrators, within the school setting, and notes the shared and related responsibilities of school administrators and parents  

Although diverse forms of bullying in schools or other educational settings has remained a perennial issue, with the increased use of technology, the act of bullying has become more difficult and complex to deal with. While cyberbullying has become a more common issue than before, more children tending to embrace technology has exposed them to cyberbullying. In this context, while the education system should evolve to initiate new and expand existing anti-bullying mechanisms, there is a pressing need to teach children how to protect themselves in cyberspace, because the impacts of cyber bullying could be worse than those of traditional forms of bullying.

This was noted during a recent seminar organised by the Sri Lanka College of Child and Adolescent Psychiatrists, where Consultant Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist at the Karapitiya Teaching Hospital, Dr. Darshani Hettiarachchi, spoke extensively of assisting both victims and perpetrators of bullying that takes place in school. According to her, the prevention of bullying is a responsibility that both school authorities and parents share.

Bullying

Explaining that bullying in schools is commonly defined as intentional, repeated harmful acts, words or other behaviour such as name calling, threatening or ignoring, committed by one or more children against each other, she added that bullying may be physical, verbal or emotional in nature.

“Various surveys have found that one in five children who are of school-going age is subjected to some form of bullying. However, unfortunately, in most cases, these instances are not reported. In school systems such as ours, the freedom that children have to voice their issues as well as adults’ tendency to lend an ear to those issues are limited, and therefore, we do not understand this issue among our children,” she added.

Explaining that acts that constitute bullying could occur in various forms, Dr. Hettiarachchi paid attention to cyber bullying, which is a common form of bullying at present. She noted that cyber bullying could take place through social media platforms, electronic mails (email), and various forms of messages exchanged via mobile phones, websites and chat rooms. This form of bullying could involve sending mean or threatening messages or images, posting sensitive, private information about another person online, pretending to be someone else in order to tarnish that person’s image, and intentionally excluding someone from an online group.

Warning signs

It is crucial to be vigilant about signs of bullying or being bullied, according to Dr. Hettiarachchi, who further said that such behaviour involves aggressive behaviour, a pattern of repeating the same behaviour, and an imbalance of power or strength.

Signs of children that are more likely to be bullied include children who are sensitive, quiet, withdrawn, anxious, insecure, having low self esteem, physically weaker than their peers, physically maturing earlier, unable to interpret social cues, have few friends among peers, and who have learning disabilities.

Meanwhile, signs of those who are more likely to have bullying behaviours include having positive attitudes towards violence, being impulsive, having a quick temper, showing little empathy, being involved in other antisocial or rule breaking activities, being physically stronger than their peers, believing in myths, and being narcissistic, or believing that everything revolves around their own needs. Motivations behind bullying, according to Dr. Hettiarachchi, usually involve tendencies to like to dominate others in a negative manner, to gain satisfaction from inflicting injury and suffering on others, and trying to gain rewards such as prestige, attention and possessions by bullying others.

She added: “It is very important to identify the reasons why some children tend to be bullies, and assist not just children who are bullied, but also children that tend to be bullies. If the underlying factors for some children’s tendency to become bullies are not identified and addressed, when they grow up, they might have various issues in their personality.”

Impacts

The impacts of bullying include not only those that were caused directly as a result of bullying. In some cases, the victim may, according to Dr. Hettiarachchi, tend to self harm. Noting that psychological impacts of being bullied may be more serious than physical impacts, she pointed out that these psychological impacts or their signs include being withdrawn and moody, being irritable, being aggressive, not willing to attend school, experiencing sleeping related difficulties, a loss of motivation, having low self esteem and self confidence, relationship issues, having anxiety, and feeling depressed or even suicidal. In addition, these impacts may extend in the context of education to a lack of interest in academic activities, impaired concentration, decreased performance in school, and the refusal to attend school.

With regard to the impacts of cyber bullying, she explained that in the case of cyber bullying, there is a massive online audience as opposed to the limited audience in cases of offline bullying, an example being bullying in schools where there is only a limited number of students. Other factors that make cyber bullying more difficult to deal with include the ability for bullies to remain anonymous, that it could happen at any time, and that offensive material that affects the victim could remain online even after the act of bullying is over. Noting that these factors make dealing with cyber bullying more difficult, she explained that United Kingdom based research suggests that up to 70% of children and teenagers have been victims of online bullying and that up to 5% of them have engaged in self harm as a result.

According to Dr. Hettiarachchi, there are a number of myths about bullying. Among them are “bullying is a natural part of childhood”, “words will never hurt”, “bullying will make kids tougher”, “telling a teacher about bullying is snitching”, “ignoring bullying will make it go away”, “children and youth who bully are mostly loners with few social skills”, “bullied kids need to learn how to deal with bullying on their own”, “it is okay for a bullied child to fight back”, and “cyber bullying is less harmful because it does not happen face-to-face.”

Combating bullying

Dr. Hettiarachchi pointed out several steps that could be taken to prevent bullying in school. Among them are building a positive, caring environment in school, making available ways to effectively report bullying, strengthening communication, training parents to be vigilant about bullying, increased supervision, non-punitive disciplining methods, strengthening the home-school relationship including communication, introducing effective classroom rules, teachers building a close and supportive relationship with children, parents being aware of their children’s relationship with the latter’s peers, and also training students to understand bullying when they see or experience it and to be aware of what steps could be taken to deal with such situations. Elaborating on these steps, she added that there should be a proper mechanism in schools to intervene in bullying in the early stages. To support such efforts, she added that it is important to have in place a confidential reporting system for students, ensuring that reported incidents are followed-up consistently, having trained all school staff to understand the seriousness of bullying and to report such incidents without delay, and having in place a proper support system including counselling for both the victims and the perpetrators.

Dr. Hettiarachchi also shed light on several steps that parents could take to prevent and address bullying. Stressing the importance of parents building a compassionate, respectful relationship with their children since the latter’s young age, she added: “If children have been accustomed from the start to having their world respected, they will have no trouble later in life in recognising disrespect directed against them in any form.” “Lonely kids are more likely to be bullied, and kids are often ashamed that they are being bullied and therefore, they are hesitant to tell their parents. If your child knows that you will always listen and that you have their back, they are more likely to talk with you about things that upset them,” she added, further noting the importance of parents maintaining confident and respectful behaviour with other people in front of children. Another parenting tip that was highlighted was parents teaching their children respectful self assertion, regarding which Dr. Hettiarachchi said that kids need to know that they can get their needs met while being respectful of other people and that parents should teach them how to communicate in that regard. Among the communication-related social skills, she recommended that parents teach their children about sharing, listening, patience, empathy, respecting boundaries and following directions. In addition, when a child first begins to use technology, parents should teach them good practices, supervise them and stay involved in the child’s technology use. Identifying how bullying happens is also crucial, she said, adding that research shows that bullying begins with verbal harassment and that how the victim responds to the first verbal aggression determines whether the bully continues to target the victim. She added: “Your job as a parent is to protect your child. That means that in addition to teaching your child to stick up for himself/herself, you may need to call the teacher or principal of the school. Do not give your child the message that he/she is all alone to handle this, and do not assume that if there is no physical violence, the child is not wounded.” In addition, it was explained that parents should teach their children to avoid places such as unsupervised places, where bullies are likely to engage in bullying.

Note: This article discusses matters pertaining to mental health and bullying. If you feel that you or someone you know may be dealing with such issues, the following institutions are ready to assist you to deal with those. 

Sri Lanka Sumithrayo: 0112-682535

The National Institute of Mental Health: 1926

Shanthi Maargam: 0717639898

The Courage Compassion Commitment Foundation: 1333