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Editorial: The contract of a relationship 

29 Jul 2021

In light of the prevailing discussion about sexual abuse and exploitation, including those taking place on cyber space, and also a recent incident involving a woman who was subjected to sextortion by a Sri Lankan man living in the United Kingdom, the Police have urged the public to be more vigilant and responsible when using social media.  Police Media Spokesperson, Senior Deputy Inspector General of Police (SDIG), Ajith Rohana, highlighting that the use of social media has been creating various issues in the recent past, requested women to refrain from sharing intimate content on social media platforms, irrespective of the nature of the relationship they have with the parties they share such content with. The danger is, in some cases, when a relationship goes sour, some tend to share such content with external parties to take revenge or gain benefits such as money.  The nature of people’s relationships is actually a major issue that the overall discussion about this social ill revolves around, in addition to the legal and socio-economic aspects of it. Most of the information and content shared between a couple in a relationship has an implied confidentiality to it, unless expressly specified otherwise. While unwritten, this relationship contract should be binding and be adhered to by everybody. This mutual respect and adherence to an unwritten and often unspoken contract can only come from societal values and respect for privacy. It cannot be enforced through laws and regulations and what they can do is limited and often has little impact on the risk factors pertaining to individual responsibilities both on the part of the victim and the perpetrator.  The reasons why people lack a sense of individual responsibility and respect for others in a relationship are manifold; however, the Sri Lankan society, which is largely patriarchal in nature, has a massive role in this issue. The way we treat men and women is different – we tend to respect women only on the condition that they adhere to social norms, and we have been taught that certain things that are not appropriate for women are, however acceptable when it is done by men. That is why Sri Lankan society thinks a woman sharing intimate content with her partner is indecent and that they are to blame, while a man who does the same is just being more open and sexually adventurous.  For the most part, this situation affects women who seek legal assistance after facing such incidents. Activists who have spoken with The Morning have pointed out that officers at local Police stations do not have the awareness or sensitivity to effectively assist a woman who seeks their support, especially after incidents of online sexual abuse and exploitation, which has also been confirmed by the Police Spokesperson. More than the lack of assistance, there is also a stigma at Police stations where a majority of officers are male – this stigma involves judging women who have faced such incidents after sharing intimate content. There is nothing wrong with the law enforcement authorities counseling women, or any person for that matter, to refrain from sharing intimate content, and that is in fact an advisable precaution. However, stigmatising people who seek legal assistance based on personal opinions and not the law, is not at all acceptable.  Less respect for women exists not only in law enforcement agencies, but also in schools, workplaces and other institutions, and gender-based discrimination is rife across the board. However, as far as the respect element is concerned, we have to admit that it stems largely from what we teach our children, although it tends to develop as they grow up in the society, and that is where change must begin. We also have to acknowledge that even though such is the nature of the larger society, exploitation does not only take place among heterosexual couples, and that the perpetrators are not always male.  The laws must change; but laws alone have never changed a country. We have to understand that at the end of the day, laws are implemented by people serving as law enforcement agents, against people who have committed an offence, to protect people seeking legal assistance. Therefore, changing the people is key.


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