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Judge not marital status 

06 Apr 2021

A person’s dignity depends largely on the nature of his/her character, and the values we, as a society, assign are subjective. The process of assigning people various man-made values and gauging a person’s dignity based on such parametres has cost societies the opportunity of strengthening and promoting people’s self worth, thereby losing an essential part of a progressive society. The grand finale of Mrs. Sri Lanka for Mrs. Universe 2021 was held recently, and Pushpika De Silva losing her Mrs. Sri Lanka crown immediately after being crowned, on the allegation that she was a divorcee, made waves in the media and especially on social media. Later, De Silva had claimed that she is not a divorcee and that she was merely living separate from her husband, and the media had reported that the organisers of the competition had decided to give the crown back to her after taking her marital status into account. It is true that the organisers of an event have the discretion to determine what rules and conditions should apply to that particular event and contestants, and it is understandable that when it comes to a Mrs. Sri Lanka competition, the contestants’ marital status is relevant. The Mrs. Sri Lanka controversy is over; but, we cannot deny or make light of the fact that the stigma associated with a person’s marital status, especially that of a woman, continues to remain a widespread social ill in Sri Lanka. In fact, Sri Lankan society is extraordinarily keen in assigning a completely new value, or devaluing a woman’s self worth, based on her marital status. Unmarried partners forming a family, what has come to be known as live-in relationships today, was part and parcel of Sri Lankan culture, and despite the value assigned to the concept of marriage being high, it was never used against those who did not join in matrimony. Before colonisation, Sri Lanka appreciated two (or more) people living in harmony beyond the present legal recognition of family or marriage. Later, especially after foreign forces colonised Sri Lanka and introduced their values, marriage became a status more than a formal partnership, and family became a responsibility more than harmony. It shattered the fundamental values of marriage and individual dignity post-marriage, making marriage a decisive factor when it comes to giving a person the respect they deserve for who they are. Unfortunately, Sri Lanka continues a plethora of such foreign and outdated values, despite the nations that introduced them to us having rid their countries of such. When it comes to the issue of marital status, being divorced or separated is just the tip of the iceberg. Society has concerns (often negative) when a person remains unmarried after their 20s or gets married after their middle ages. This stigma not only affects divorced or separated people, but also their children. In Sri Lanka, the issue of divorce affects women more than men, and a divorced woman, especially when she has children, is considered a burden to her family, and the children are often viewed as orphans or children without a proper identity. When it comes to men, the society raises concerns about the future of children, under the assumption that a father is incapable of bringing up a child and that a child’s life with a father would not be as good as with a mother. Also, Sri Lankan society sees divorce as an act that brings disgrace on the family, when in reality, the real disgrace is making them stay in a marriage that weighs on them. At the end of the day, getting rid of an unwanted marriage or relationship is a progressive step, and forcing someone to be in such a marriage by making them feel guilty about their decision to get a divorce or to separate, is a sign of a regressive society. Let us remind ourselves and teach our children that the true meaning of marriage lies not in legal or societal recognition, but in the family born out of marriage.  


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